


Leaving like a father, running like water

by Azad_Gadin



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25928143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azad_Gadin/pseuds/Azad_Gadin
Summary: Tyrell almost dies and Elliot almost leaves him there.They get a second chance, but this time, will Elliot have the courage to stay?Set right after 404, but Tyrell is rescued and Elliot confronts his own guilt and feelings.
Relationships: Elliot Alderson/Tyrell Wellick
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	Leaving like a father, running like water

“What did you mean when you said you didn’t need me?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it. I just want you to be safe.”

-

Elliot dreams of dark woods. Someone is calling his name, telling him to leave. To go on a mission, to finish something. But he can’t for the life of him remember what it is, what could possibly matter that much. He cannot find it in himself to care.

Suddenly, he hears gunshots. He turns around, sees Tyrell and he stumbles, eager to reach him, to tell him something important that he just remembered. He smiles now, but something is off, there are shadows and there is blood, and now he is walking away, despite himself, and with every step the revelation he just had, that flicker of a feeling fades and he wants to run back but when he looks for a reason why, he cannot find it, so he keeps walking.

When he wakes, everything is wet from tears and sweat, he shakes and shakes and shakes until he can finally make it to the sink for some water.

There it is again. Loneliness, gaping within him, hallowing him out from the inside. How long until there is nothing left of him, nothing to anker him, to keep all his parts from aimlessly floating around in the universe?

“It was just a dream, kiddo.” Mr. Robot’s voice is soft. “You didn’t actually leave. You would never have.”

“But I thought about it! And I walked away from him before; what is the difference, dead or alive, either way I was leaving him to die, wasn’t I?”

Elliot is pacing the room now, stirring up Flipper, running shaky fingers through his damp hair.

“You didn’t though. You came back.”

“Stop it!” Elliot snaps. “You can’t make this right because you didn’t fuck it up! You were there by his side the whole time, while I just kept running and running…”

“I am you and you are me, kiddo. If I didn’t leave him, then neither could you.”

Elliot’s eyes are wide and vulnerable. “He loves you. Not me. It’s you he wants.” He doesn’t allow himself the comfort of looking away, waiting for Mr Robot to answer him. But he just shakes his head.

“If you really wanna know, you’ll have to ask him. But when he says it this time, stay. Don’t send me. Stay with him this time. If you really want to make things right, that is.”

Elliot is too tired to glare. “I need to see him. Before I forget again. He needs to know.”

Mr Robot is already at the door.

-

Elliot’s heart aches at the sight of Tyrell hooked up to monitors, looking impossibly fragile but holding himself upright as he greets him. “Bonsoir, Elliot. It is late.” His smile is strained, from pain or sadness or the pain of sadness or all of it combined. Elliot fights the urge to run.

“It is. Why are you not sleeping? You need to sleep to…heal.” The words evade him, so he busies himself with pulling up a chair next to the bed.

Price had raised an eyebrow but thankfully not asked any questions after Elliot’s frantic call and hooked them up with a doctor and a secure location.

Elliot didn’t think he would ever recover from the anxiety of that car ride, Darlene screaming “What the actual fuck?”, speeding through the night in the stolen car, Mr Robot taking over to give explanations, on the phone with Price, while he was checked out, could only stare at the bleeding Tyrell in his arms, whispering “I can’t let you die” over and over like a prayer.

Now, the man in front of him is paler than ever, dark rings under his eyes, but alive, alive, and recovering and _here_ where Elliot can see him, be close and touch him if he wants to.

He knows he does.

“How are you feeling?”

Tyrell keeps up the smile, and Elliot in his paranoia is convinced that he is mocking him and his inability to care for the people he loves.

Loves.

“I’m okay. The doctors took good care. I guess I owe Mr. Price my gratitude” His smile turns bitter. “Why are you here, Elliot? In the middle of the night, just to check on me?”

“Would that be so weird? You almost died in my arms, man.”

Tyrell frowns. “I was _supposed_ to die, alone. You were supposed to leave me there. So you could finally get rid of me.”

“Tyrell, please don’t tell me you were ready to sacrifice your life to prove a point.”

“Roll your eyes all you want, Elliot, but weren’t you the one who left?”

He says this without malice, without any kind of accusation or anger and it makes it hurt all the more.

“I’m sorry” Elliot blurts out, “I push people away, it’s just what I do. And I get confused sometimes and then I…” His eyes dart up suddenly, alarmed. “Wait, you are really here, right?”

Tyrell can’t help the chuckle. “Well, you see me sitting in front of you, don’t you?”

“I see a lot of things. Doesn’t mean they’re real.”

The other contemplates this for a bit. “Fair enough. Use your other senses, then. Touch me.”

The suggestion is plausible and innocent enough, but Elliot’s stomach still does a flip as Tyrell, with much effort, moves to make room for him on the narrow hospital bed.

Sleep deprivation and nerves make him shiver, so he curls under the blanket, close against the other man, smelling sweat and generic hospital smells along with a scent that is unmistakably Tyrell. How he knows this, he can’t tell, but it puts him at ease enough to close his eyes and relax against the others body heat.

“Does this help? Do you believe I’m here now?’

“I can hear your heartbeat. So, yes”

Elliot knows he could just fall asleep like this, desperately wants to embrace the weight pulling on his consciousness, but then he remembers Robots words from earlier. No more running away.

“I had a dream. It was a nightmare, actually. That’s what woke me up and made me come here.”

Tyrell’s voice sounds like he’s ready to drift away himself. “You had a dream…mmh…what happened in the dream that made you come here?”

“In the dream I…” The words make Elliot’s tongue heavy with guilt, but he goes on. “I wanted to tell you something, but then I walked away, and I left you and I forgot what it was, so I came to find you to remember.”

“And do you? Remember now?” They are so close now, like two kids hiding under a blanket fort, keeping out the rest of the world, and Elliot can see the other’s face illuminated in blue from the monitors, so serene, hopeful, and resigned at the same time. He wants to close his eyes from it but finds that he can’t. From now on, never, can he allow himself to close his eyes to this again.

“I remember. I wanted to tell you, that I care. About you. About us. Just the two of us, without the mission and the plan. I was scared to admit that, in the woods, scared we would be stuck there and you would be stuck because I dragged you into this and my sister was in danger, also because of me, everything because of me…” He swallows but goes on before he can be interrupted, needs to get this off his chest before he loses courage.

“I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t know how to be anything else anymore. So I stopped trying. But you” Elliot regards Tyrell with open wonder now. “No matter how many times I tell you to fuck off, you’re always there, you never lose hope in me. It scares me, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. And I don’t want you to ever believe even for a second that I could’ve just left you there. There is no scenario where that’s a possibility.”

He is out of breath by the time he stops speaking, anxious and vulnerable, still consumed with guilt, guilt about even being here, enjoying the warmth of this other body, the thrill of it after he almost lost him.

Tyrell’s lips are warm and a little chapped, moving softly against his and then just stopping, as if they belong there, just another way in which their bodies are connected now, inside their fortress.

Elliot cannot say he is surprised by the kiss, or by the way it sends little shockwaves through his body. All these things are easy to calculate once you allow the one variable he had so far deemed impossible.

That love belonged not only to the normal people, but that someone like him could have it, claim it for himself. That there is a person, just for him. That he doesn’t have to be lonely.

“Will you still remember this tomorrow?” It is merely a whisper and the question carries so much past hurt, betrayal and disappointment that it makes Elliot’s heart ache.

He kisses Tyrell gently, but with a resolve behind it, communicating worlds of unspoken feelings with his touch.

Then he whispers back: “I came back to you to remember. I am not leaving you anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am trying my hand at Tyrelliot, so stay tuned for some incredibly soft shit.


End file.
